May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
