We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
