i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
