I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
