I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
