I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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