I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
