Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
