Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize