16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
