I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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