Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
