she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
