she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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