Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
