he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
