he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
