my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
