I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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