Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
