I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
