please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
