Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
