Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
