please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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