I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
