took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
