i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Even my vagina gasped.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
