i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
