There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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