he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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