So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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