when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we're so committed to being not committed
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
