It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
