Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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