Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
