Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
