i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize