I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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