So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
