Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
