friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
