the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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