I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
