i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
