I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
