A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
