Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Your dad touched me again.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
