Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
