I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
