You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
