I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
