Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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