R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
