I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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