I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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