Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize