just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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