I heard we made out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
