The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
