You just made me feel so damn special
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize