he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
