she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize