oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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