I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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