Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
